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Google Alerts are funny.

I live hundreds of alternate lives vicariously through the headlines emailed to me. I’m a vein specialist one day, and then the next I’m both a renowned riding instructor and deceased arctic composer.

Granted, I could just google myself any day and learn all of this instantly. And naturally, if my name were John Smith, this would be a pretty boring game. But these inbox bulletins add a temporal relevance — as though I, Gordon Wright, have just done something newsworthy.

Some, though, aren’t happy. Poor Gordon Wright. All I can say is, thank goodness for cross stitching.